What is your non-negotiable? 

It is helpful to know what stresses you, being self-aware in knowing your vulnerabilities.

What are the top 3 things that stress you? 

  • kids school work 
  • morning or bedtime routines
  • teenagers: group of friends, sense of entitlement, technology battles, mood altering substances, school refusal/disengagement, kids poor choices, swearing, lying, disrespect, ignoring requests or not following through.
  • finances 
  • marriage, relationships
  • boss, colleagues, peers
  • work
  • Zero down time

Pick one stress point-

Ask yourself, what is my greatest fear?

Is it a real or perceived ‘What now’ fear or a future ‘What if’ fear?

We cannot control a future “what if “fear, but we can discover what needs to be put in place to protect what is important to us with a “What Now” fear.

Knowing your stress provides you with good information that action is required to decrease the stress to move towards a confident calm response.

Taking Positive Action releases Dopamine’s.


Down time to think and discover what is needed from a non-reactive place.

The basis of many accumulating stresses is Zero Downtime-Poor Self-Care.

Have you noticed THE CONSEQUENCE FOR ZERO DOWN TIME is disconnection, more stress and chaos.

Living in a perpetual cycle or pattern of stress depletes energy levels and the capacity for our kids’ (or others) poor choices, mistakes protests and indifferences.

Having down time, thinking space, breathing space, holding space for our emotions, noticing our body, our tensions is VITAL for a Calm presence.

Here is a GAME CHANGER:  Essential Practice to do many times daily.


STOP: NO moving, talking, or doing. Noticing your body and the signals that your kids (significant others) are receiving –(disconnection, alarm or safety)

Breathe: Breathe-Tension shortens or tightens our breathing and tells the brain we are in fight, flight, freeze mode keeping us tense. Big Deep Breathes Releases Calm into your nervous system.

Grounded-with senses, memories, or words, music,

Imagery, smells, or words-I am safe, I can do hard things, I can manage me, this will not last forever. I am learning new skills. This is not about me.

I am progressing and growing -it’s not about being perfect.

Playing Music, Going outside being with nature for 5 mins.


STOP, BREATH & GROUNDED allows you to:

  1. Discover what you need.
  2. Discover if this is a “what now” real fear, or a future “what if “fear.
  3. Take positive action -Have a calm respectful conversation, setting a boundary, seek to understand and then to be understood, Find out what the problem is with the significant other and work towards a “win win” solution.
  4. Know, see, hear yourself and the significant other.
  5. Build a stronger healthier connection.