How would you like to be respected and valued more by your kids?
Without the use of threats, demands and lectures, and still stay TRUE to you.
Personal Boundaries in Parenting
What does this statement conjure up for you?
For some it might invoke the stress or frustration of connecting with your teenager with differing values, for others the endless tantrums/melt-downs with your toddler or others the tension of sibling rivalry and calming the chaos.
What are personal boundaries and how can you use them to be more respected, valued and build great connection with your kids. Generally speaking a boundary is something that indicates bounds or limits. Personal boundaries are limits or rules that we set for ourselves within the relationship.
A parent or person with healthy boundaries UPHOLDS their boundary by making I statements. Eg I feel, I allow, I am happy to …… Whilst a person who oversteps their boundaries uses words like YOU should, You are. Holding these 2 different approaches let’s see how they add value and respect to you as a parent.
HOME WORK BATTLE
DAVE HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK, DAVE YOU NEED TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK …
I AM HAPPY FOR YOU TO PLAY YOUR XBOX AFTER YOUR HOME WORK IS COMPLETED
“SALLY I NEED YOU TO PUT THE WASHING OUT, SALLY, I HAVE ASKED YOU SO MANY TIMES TO PUT THE WASHING OUT.“
“SALLY I AM HAPPY TO TAKE YOU TO BASKET BALL ONCE THE WASHING IS ON THE LINE.”
“KATE,” “PETE” “STOP FIGHTING AND SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER LIKE THAT”, TAKE THAT BACK, THAT’S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.”
I AM HAPPY TO HAVE YOU BOTH HERE WHEN YOU CAN BE KIND AND FUN, FEEL FREE TO DO THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE.
OR “I ALLOW KIDS TO STAY UP LATER AT NIGHT WHEN THEY CAN BE FUN AND RESPECTFUL.”
Personal boundaries are your personal limits. It’s what YOU allow, then it’s up to your kid to choose and make powerful decisions.
Does it drain your energy when your kids raise their voice or have attitude and speak disrespectfully? What would it be like to say, “ I’II be happy to speak to you when your voice is as calm as mine” or say “ I love you too much to argue”.
Today we have looked at what a healthy boundary is and how we can use them with our kids. What are your personal limits and how can you further respect yourself by experimenting with them this week, and over the Christmas holiday period.